As I have been writing about our little baby girl Apra anyway, I thought to write to you about one more thing – her sleeping habits. Recently Ramona read about a certain theory or method how you can get your child to sleep and she told me about it. To be honest, I really did not like it.
It was called the ‘cry-it-out’ method and different experts had presented this method in some variations. The basic theme was this: you need to get your child to sleep in his bed on his own. If the child cries, you don’t respond for a certain time but then you go and calm your baby. You put it down and if he or she cries, wait a bit longer to respond, go there again and do a bit less to calm your baby. So in this way you increase the waiting time and decrease the time with the baby until the baby finally manages to make himself or herself sleep without your help. Some sentences which stayed in my mind were ‘It can be frustrating and difficult for you to hear your child cry and it can take several days for this method to work but you should not interrupt the schedule’ and ‘If you have difficulties staying away for the set time, ask your partner to take over for some time and take a walk’.
Honestly, when I heard about it, I just found this a horrible idea and I can tell you I will never ever do this with my baby girl. I would never lay her down and not pick her up when she is crying. I anyway told you that we do not use a crib and in this matter, too, I believe that the baby can develop more trust and confidence with more closeness. I believe it gives the baby a secure feeling if she starts crying and you are there, right away, to see what is wrong. Wouldn’t it break your heart to stay away while she is crying? Why do people even suggest this? Of course it will be difficult to do this! And why would you then walk out of the home, give yourself a bad time, a guilty feeling and your child this horrible feeling that there is nobody there for her? How can this be good for the baby? She has just entered this world and should experience that here are people to care for her, who love her and who would not let her lie in misery!
I don’t mean that you have to rush to your child at every small noise that she makes! When I listen to Apra, I can clearly hear a difference between the noise that she does when she is not finding the right position for lying and the noise that she makes when she really cries. When the first signs are there that she starts crying however, we start talking to her or put a hand onto her little body, letting her know that we are there. We stroke her gently over the head or just let her feel the weight and warmth of the hand on her chest or side.
If she starts crying, we take her on the lap. We rock her, we talk to her, we even sing a bit or Ramona feeds her. If she is awake and does not want to sleep, we play with her – and she will get tired after some time and then fall asleep. It is not a problem – we can be there for her and sleep a bit later. It works, she never really has problems falling asleep in this way.
I know that there may now be people who say that every child is different and we just are very lucky that our child does not cry that much. Others might say that this will still happen to us, too. It may be that our Apra is a very peaceful and happy child, just by nature, but I believe that we just take it very naturally and follow our instincts instead of following any method. Pick your child up when you feel like it. Listen to natural feelings and then react on that level to the feelings of your child. I will tell you in future, too, about our life with our little girl but I know I will never use the ‘cry-it-out’ method!
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Why we needed to change Apra’s School – 12 Sep 16
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All children need love and affection. Children need to know that you are there for them. This method is great for getting the child into their own bed, i’m sure but if you didn’t want to share your time and space with the baby, then why did you have one?
I agree with you, why would you torture yourself and your child with simply leaving them to cry and grow into a routine where you are not a part of their life? It might make the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship between you and your child in the long run…perhaps that is being too drastic but it is true. Besides this time of crying will only last for a short period of time and before you know it it has passed and your baby is all grown…so enjoy the good and not so good times.