Ego and Anger after Divorce – 9 Jan 09

United Kingdom

I met a woman is going through a divorce from her husband. They have two children who are ten and twelve years old. She and her husband seemed to be a perfect couple to everybody who met them. They had a great house and both were artists, working from home. She was very happy in her relationship, too, until the day he told her that he was not.

The thought that her and his future would not be together had never entered her mind. She moved out of his house together with the children. When the children went and visit him the first time they wanted to take their toys home with them but their father did not allow it. He said: “These are your toys and you can play with that when you are here.” He replied the same to the mother of the children.

If I analyze this I feel his ego is more important to him than his own children. Why, what is the reason that he doesn’t allow them to take the toys although he bought them for the children? He will not play with the toys but his ego says: ‘I bought these toys with my money, you are not going to take them to your mother’s house’. Even if the children took these toys to their home, their mother would not play with them, it would be the children who play with them. His ego is creating this feeling that his ex-wife is an enemy and it is so strong that he does not want to give his children the joy of the toys. I also see anger mixing in this ego. It is the anger towards his ex-wife which is in his heart and he cannot feel relaxed and happy when he sees that his wife feels good. I see this in many different cases.

Sometimes ego and anger can bring a darkness to your heart with which you do not even care about the happiness of your children. Although you have love for them. But I also would say that this love is not pure. It is love driven by the ego: ‘I love them because they are MY children. Why should they be happy when they are with their mum?’ I want to say to people to please analyze yourself and see that your ego is not bigger than your love.

7 Replies to “Ego and Anger after Divorce – 9 Jan 09”

  1. It is only ego which can win over the love otherwise there is nothing in this world which can concord over love that too for our own child. If we can handle our ego we can win any situation. Ego take everything away from us. So leave ego and live peacefully.

  2. Anger doesn’t leave us to live peaceful life. Anger and happiness can’t stay together. if you want peace than need to leave anger. In most of the situation we get defeat because of our anger. Anger lost respect from the heart of our dear once for us.

  3. “Does ego and happiness stay together??”I think they never stay together as in swamiji’s diary itself, it has been shown when father lost his temper he lost his children also and somewhere his kid’s happiness as well.

  4. anger and ego are our biggest enemy. they leave us alone in this world though everyone is near us and around us but we feel ourself alone as we are with anger. Anger eat our mind, our thoughts and power to think. It put blindfold on our eyes.

  5. Anger make a person insane and ego works as oil in fire, It help person to deeply get involve in insanity.To be in sane one need to improve on there anger controllability and manage there ego to be a better person in life.

  6. I heard a story about a couple that was able to completely set their egos aside in their divorce in order to make it as easy as possible on their children. Rather than separating, moving into different homes, and having the children switch back and forth between houses, this couple decided to maintain the family home for the children to live in. Each parent moved into their own small apartment, and the parents would switch back and forth living in the house with the children! This way, the children never had to move; they kept all their toys and belongings in the house where they grew up and could continue living there. I thought this was a beautiful solution.

  7. Oh, this is a nice idea and definitely an easier way for the children. I can only imagine though how difficult it must have been for the parents to overcome the problems in between them to continue and still live in the same house – because there are all memories of times together, too! A great way though and I hope it is a true story that turned out so nice.

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