How to Deal with Anger and Stop Suppressing and Suffering – 7 May 08


Today I had a lot of healings. One woman came and told that she was suffering very much and had many bad feelings. Her ex-husband had left her two years ago after a relationship of nearly 13 years for another woman. He told her on one day and two days later he moved out. Now she found out that soon he is going to marry the woman that he had left her for. She asked me what she could do to finally let him go. To my question she said that she was actually suffering the whole two years since he went. They had met once afterwards and she wanted to hear the reason why he left her and what had been her mistake. They both cried in that meeting but he did not tell her any reason.

She was very emotional when she told all this. I could see how much she had suffered but I also saw that she had not lived the anger and fury that naturally came after this separation. I told her how necessary it is to allow yourself to get angry. You have to accept your anger. It is a natural feeling if somebody does that to you! God also created this feeling. It is a negative feeling, yes, but you are not bad when you have this. It is there and you need to live it!

He could not face her when she asked him for the reason which means that he also felt guilty. She suffered for two years instead of letting the anger out. She asked me how she could accept that anger or how she could live it. And I explained her that she could let her anger flow.

Maybe I have described this technique already: when you go to toilet, take a pen, take toilet paper and write everything down that makes you angry. Write as though he is sitting in front of you and let all your anger out. When you have written down everything, use the paper for its original purpose and then flush it down the toilet. Just flush it all away.

She said that she would like to have a nice end to it, that he values their relationship. She also told that the marriage is on the same day that he had left her. I answered: After you have accepted and flushed away your anger you have to forgive him and then forget him. Don't even remember the date. What for? Why should you suffer any longer from this? If you do not get over this all you will suffer another 5 or 10 years. You already suffered 2 years from suppressed anger. So first of all you need to accept your anger and let it out, second you forgive him and third you forget him. There are so many other beautiful things in life. He is not anymore part of your life. Enjoy the world and God's creation and you will be again happy, laughing, loving.

I meet so many people daily and they share their problems with me. I am a healer and I give advice and counseling. And sometimes I share my experiences in this diary without revealing anybody's identity because I feel that many readers might be in a similar situation or have the same problem. This diary is read by so many people around the globe and I am sure that it helps some of the readers or that the readers can recommend to someone who is in one of the situations that I described.

11 Replies to “How to Deal with Anger and Stop Suppressing and Suffering – 7 May 08”

  1. I encourage my clients to pump the anger out of their bodies by way of releasing techniques that I teach. Doing this in a safe manner is paramount. Clients find a great deal of release and healing from pumping the anger out of their bodies so that they can them reconnect to compassion that has felt distant for so long.

  2. To not suffer from anger you don’t need to not feel it; you only need to put space around it. That just means be aware that you feel anger inside of you. That is fine. Anger is powerful. I can loose myself to it. Remember that in order to experience your anger you are not using it to create a story about your life. “He always does this to me! I can’t stand him! What is his problem!” In this story the anger has taken over and you will feel worse and worse and worse as you experience it. The anger is hungry and has an endless appetite. This is not the same as expressing your anger. Here the anger is expressing itself and feeding itself. How can you express something when you are not present.

  3. I usually ignore feelings of anger, in fact I’m not even sure I recognize the symptoms anymore, so when I finally let them to the surface they are bursting with resentment, bitterness, a huge list of things that have hurt all piled into one, even a kind of hatred sometimes. I have almost completely disassociated from anger in a way that is likely unhealthy, which is probably why I blow up inside when I’m upset, and even wen I’m so angry that I can’t function- I still can’t verbalize my anger at all. And I haven’t really examined that before now, but it seems like that is an indication that I am being dysfunctional with anger as well. Curious curious.

  4. Anger hurts people, why should we suppress it. Which is better, to harm the self or to harm another? If it’s your own fault that you are angry, then you should be the one who deals with it, not spilling it on everybody.

  5. Wow, after thirteen years you’d think there’d be a sense of stability but there really never is a constant is there? Always something newer and better out there.

  6. I feel so bad when I’m angry. I think maybe I’m just not confident enough to get angry a lot of the time. I am always kind of proud of myself when I get pissed off because it makes me think maybe I am getting more confident with myself!

  7. How do you get over a 13 year relationship when ultimate the person left you because you weren’t good enough. What an ugly blow to your sense of worth. I can’t imagine the strength it would take to let go of the pain after so long.

  8. I understand the feeling of wanting to know that at least she had meant something, anything at all to him. Sounds like he was unhappy or along time and she just didn’t see it coming or hoped it wouldn’t. these things don’t just come out of thin air and I can understand wanting to mean something to someone, especially after that long. I don’t know how you would get over that except for the fact that you HAVE to. I imagine the pain would be really big, which is all the more reason to deal with it and get past it. I wish her luck.

  9. sometimes it just seems like people WANT to be in pain, and that’s probably why he left her in the first place. She needs to do herself a favor and get on with it. The rest of life won’t slow down for our problems so we have to live fast and hard and get all we can from life. Can’t spend all our time wallowing, now can we?

  10. This is a good point, Swami. Sometimes people know that they don’t feel right, but they haven’t really consciously acknowledged their emotion, thoughts, or why they are occurring.
    I have commented before about EFT (emotional freedom technique) in which you tap on pressure points on the face and head while saying affirmations. The first step in EFT is to tap while acknowledging the emotion: “I am so angry right now. I can’t believe he did that to me; it hurts me so much.” This helps to bring the emotion to the surface and clarify all the why’s and how’s of the emotion. In the next round of tapping, you say more positive affirmations about the emotion: “Although I am angry and hurt, I completely love and accept myself.” This technique supports the idea that we must first honor and recognize an emotion before we are able to clear it from our mind and body.