Dealing with Anger – 5 Jun 08

Anger

In a healing session somebody asked me: “I am very aggressive and often shout at others without really wanting it or meaning it. What can I do about that anger?”

I gave him a very practical advice: When you have a discussion with someone and you feel that you get angry and will shout around, take a glass of water and drink the water. Take a deep breath and calm down. What happens when you get angry? I always say that your eyes are closed and your mouth is open. The eyes are not closed in a physical way but you cannot really realize what the physical eyes see. You do not realize who is in front of you, what you are doing, what you are saying and what the situation is like. So you are blind with open eyes.

Anger is directing you and talking through you. It is not your truth that is talking and that is why you might regret afterwards what you said. You should open your eyes and shut your mouth in time. To have your eyes open means to be aware of what you are doing. Try to keep the silence when the anger comes up. This will help you to see inside yourself and to think. When you are yelling there is no space in the mind for thinking. It is unnecessary to shout around and it can hurt others, too.

Anger is a fire that burns you and others. When you feel that it comes drink some water and let the hormones calm down, too, before you hurt others with words in anger that you do not really mean. I don’t say that you should suppress your emotions. You need to let all emotions flow. You can also let your anger flow but do not hurt others. Why do others have to suffer from your anger? When you feel that the fire of anger burns you from inside, just take a pillow and punch in it. Let your anger flow! Allow yourself to be angry! Suppression is never good. 

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  1. Rebekah Bradshaw

    “Your eyes are closed but your mouth is open.” I will carry these words with me. Do you ever travel to London to give workshops? I would be very interested.

  2. Tanya

    Your eyes are closed but your mouth is open. That stood out to me too. In a big way.

  3. Tess Martin

    I don’t get angry at specific people. I get angry at ideas and group mindsets. So there is no one for me to yell at or act out my anger on. Sometimes I am filled with so much hatred I don’t know where to put it. It destroys my mind, I have “sleep it off” when I get this angry because I don’t know how to express it, so I have to do some kind of mind-numbing practices like binge-eating while watching hours and hours of television. But, of course I don’t always have enough money or time to do that, and so then I sleep often to get through the pain of the hatred. But if I didn’t do anything those things, how would I deal with it? I have no way to know how to get it out of me or change it because my mind just explodes with this anger.I cry with frustration.

  4. Thamy

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with my aggression, people can just leave if they don’t like it!

  5. Joseph

    You sound like a barrel of laughs Thamy.

  6. Jordan

    I don’t understand. How do you just yell at people and not have control over it? Yelling is a big thing. How do you learn to not notice it? What a baby.

  7. Harry

    How mindless. Just calm down! It’s not like the world revolves around you, what could possibly make you angry enough to have to run around shouting all the time? Chip a nail? Misplace your toothbrush? Seriously.

  8. Jenny

    I’m do mad at angry people. they make me furious.

  9. Emily

    One saying I heard when I was younger is, when you get angry and are about to blow up, take a walk and count to 10. Anger can be like a cloud that covers your awareness of the big picture. It is a fire that burns within and you feel you must release it. By taking a walk and counting to 10, you give yourself a moment to process the situation and your thoughts. In that time, the cloud might lift so you can see the bigger picture. You start to realize that your hurtful words would not do any good.

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