Children Drinking and Smoking – What Parents can Do – 11 Dec 08

City:
Cologne
Country:
Germany

A mother came for a healing session and told me that she had a big problem with her 15 year old son. She said: he is addicted to an internet game and he keeps on playing. And what you need to be good in this game is lots of time and if you want to be very good you need money. That is how he took my credit card and spent 3000 Euro on the internet.

Another mother told me that her 15 year old son is taking drugs at home. Another mother of a 13 year old girl complained that her daughter comes home from school fully drunk. A mum worries because her 16 year old girl comes home from parties at four o’clock in the morning. A mother told that her teenage children kept drinking until they were unconscious and had to go to the hospital.

These are examples of stories that I hear from parents. When I hear these problems I am thinking about what is really happening to young people in this society. What is the reason, why did they lose the respect for their parents and for what they say? Why are they abusive with their own body, mind and soul? These situations do not come over night, from one day to another. It is a gradual process of years. Maybe the situation wouldn’t have become that bad if the parents had taken care in the beginning, at the first cigarette or the first beer.

I have talked about this topic before and I feel it is a very important topic in this time in our society. We are facing these problems and we have to think about a solution to save the future of our children and our youth. I would say that parents are also somehow responsible in creating this kind of situation. Most of the time we see in this busy life that many parents do not really have time to look after and give that much time and love to those whom they have created and who have a bit more expectations from them than parents think. Parents should feel more responsible for their children. They should not only be busy in their own business and enjoyment, at least up to a certain age of the child.

Of course I believe in freedom but up to a certain age a child’s mind is not fully developed and they definitely need some guidance, somebody there to tell them what is good, what is bad, which is right, which is wrong. And they should make sure that the children follow what they are telling them. For that they have to become strong and strict. Love and freedom is good but control is also needed. When it gets out of control, it takes the teenager to a wrong place. You should control because you love them and don’t want to let them go in the wrong way. Sometimes you have to be strict and take a decision. Maybe in that time it will not feel nice and the child will not be happy with you but seen in the long run it will be good for him or her.

Of course parents are the first ideal for children. Don’t do what you don’t want your children to do. Otherwise they learn what they hear and follow what they see. Love your child; that is wonderful. Give freedom but also give clear signs which direction is not good.

5 Replies to “Children Drinking and Smoking – What Parents can Do – 11 Dec 08”

  1. I’m not convinced that an addiction problem can ever fully be isolated to just physical addiction. It is often done to fill some void as well as a habit. Like anything else, addiction is not simple or one way or the other. What would be important, I believe, is to find out what else is going on with the children. As human beings, children are impossible to “control” and so getting them to stop addiction is pointless, but getting them to relate to relate to you and respect you in a society where respect is never emphasized is a more effective way to guide them.

  2. I grew up with kids like this, they were not fun to be around and I didn’t understand them. When I got older, I realize they had been doing these things because they were already in a lot of pain inside. I wish I had understood in then.

  3. It is very hard to see teenagers who are so lost and wild. Many parents don’t know what to do or how to control their rebellious kids. I think it is valuable to, first, look at the behavior of the parents… have they been setting a good example for the children?
    Next, I think what Amy (above comment) said is very true– lots of kids who act out are really in a lot of pain. Maybe they have suffered emotional trauma in their lives and don’t know how to deal with it, so they act out and abuse substances to try and cover up their pain. It would be good to have deep talks with these kids and find out what is going on emotionally and mentally. I don’t think many kids would act out rebelliously without a pretty big reason.